[OTHERS] Bottled Sorrows

Kings Park December 31st, 2008

Well, I am going to be another year older in next 48 hrs. Frankly speaking, I have not been happy for a long time. Right now, I am just typing out my thoughts rather than saying it out loud. It's almost 2 years since I got back from Australia. The truth is I still missed Perth.

It's great here. I am getting paid decent at my experience. More than enough even with several taxing obligations. But whatever it is, I just wish I can turn back time, just wondering what would happen if there weren't any economic downturn. Where I would be at this stage, in my life. I am sure I could have achieve a lot more than now. 

Not that what I have now is bad but its the fact that I have much more expectation than what is happening for me now. I know that I am much more fortunate than most others and its really annoying to see someone like nagging and complaining about life. But that's life, its my life, I think I still have the rights to complain, at least for now, in words, not to listeners but readers who chose to read. Whatever..

To put things into perspective, exact about the same time 2 years ago, I flew back to Perth to start my job as a graduate electrical design engineer in the mining industry. Being paid AUD70K per year, I am more than contend. What is more to life than being able to go through all this with my girlfriend whom I have together for 4 years. Both of us got a job right before graduation and everything was going so smoothly.  Between us, we are earning about AUD150K per year.

Finally, I thought, I have finally moved myself into another region of life in another country; Australia. I had so much in mind, as to what to do for the both of us, career, life etc. Everything fell apart after Christmas. I still remember, the both of us traveling south back-packing with a bunch of other people, enjoying life. 

We had a blast and got back December 31st, 2008 right in time for the fireworks at King's Park. It was the greatest. I was at the peak of my life, at least at my age, was only 23 back then. The next day is was my girlfriend's birthday, we went to some restaurant which I cannot remember now. I regretted not taking her to somewhere posher for the last birthday, that would be, for me to spend with her. 

I have gone through so so much with her. My happiest, saddest, most challenging part of my life. Without her, I wouldn't be where I am now. She was the reason I moved on. The reason for me to strife. We knew it was coming when I had to come back to work. Its only a matter of time. We broke up almost after one year simply because we are weak when we are apart.

I could have gotten married by this time of the year. This blog may not even exist and I may not even know what is the different with an MG and HG. I might be somewhere in South Africa commissioning the drilling for gold. I would have been fast asleep by now. Nope, I am here writing down my feeling.  

I am still moving, eating, working and going on with my daily life. But I feel lost. I feel lonely. Desperately finding something or someone to fill in the void that is sucking my mind in. I have lost my greater purpose and I do not know what I am working towards now.Though I moved on, but why this freaking feeling. Did I just "think" that I have moved on ?

It is just like a flash. And I am starting to forget the times I had in Perth. The name of places we both went together. The small things of life that makes our somewhat dull life (Perth is boring) shines. Everything thing is all but past. 

Only time can tell/heal me. Or not ?! :) I will need to reboot myself and set myself some freaking milestone. Bah !! I need to stop typing now. For those who knows me personally may "feel" that I am pretty much over with all these but the ripple is still there, whether I want it or not. Getting over a 4-5 years relationship is not that easy. Whatever you do or going to do, in fact, jogs your memory and pops the "what if" question.

Damn. I hate to use the word hopefully, but hopefully, God is not going to be cruel to me again.